What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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