mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
