there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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