smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im six kinds of drunk right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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