wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
