omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
