They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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