i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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