Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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