I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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