I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
