he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
