his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
