Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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