I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
