Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
the raccoons are back...
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