we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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