her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
