Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
