if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
