you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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