i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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