I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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