I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
