The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize