Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
