the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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