it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
