if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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