I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
