my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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