Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
