i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
