Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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