No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
