This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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