paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
