just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
