It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
