so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think my moral compass just broke
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