Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
