Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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