yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
