how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
