that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
