My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
