that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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