did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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