Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
