there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
