You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
