Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
