I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
