About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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