the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize