I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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