I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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