I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
